you know, sometimes
i feel jealous. and im feeling jealous now. i know, its a bad feeling, but it lets me justify my anger. it brings me back to reality of the situation instead of letting me keep being so optimistic about everything, about you.
why cant i better huh. why are they always the ones. i always have no idea what is going on. but i dont want to know either. cause i think it'll be worse for me. but yet i still want to. i've gone out my way, i've sacrificed my precious time, i've given up stuff, and yet it doesnt seem to be enough. Its the other people. why do i have a problem with them. why them. why am i so protective of you. since i first saw you, i've always been trying to protect you. i cant seem to get angry at you at all when you do the things that make me jealous. i always direct it at them. but i dont show it. i know how to disguise my anger. i dont if thats good or bad. i nearly blew it once though. im sorry. i always seem like the retarded crazy never say die kind of joker who will never be seen with a frown(thats the impression i get, anyway), but no, im not. believe me. do you know how it hurts me whenever they appear out of no where. it was supposed to be our thing. and yet they came out of nowhere. i didnt know what to do except say "yeah, no problem". it hurt.
i just want you to know i'll always be there, even when you dont know. and you dont. maybe one day i'll realize that part of friendship involves sacrifice and not expecting anything in return. i dont have to go out and watch movies with you, or invite you over to my house to have fun, or have recess(or dinner)with you, or laugh and joke with you. none of that. maybe one day i'll realize that. but not now. i cant. im jealous. you know, i just want you to be happy, to enjoy yourself, no matter what, and im willing to do anything for that to happen. im just freaking jealous. thats all. i'll deal with it sooner or later.
probably later than sooner though, at the rate things are going. im sorry. this is really really painful.
i feel like the person who is always the last to know that the lock on the door has changed. but too late.
woo class sleepover was fun.
why cant i better huh. why are they always the ones. i always have no idea what is going on. but i dont want to know either. cause i think it'll be worse for me. but yet i still want to. i've gone out my way, i've sacrificed my precious time, i've given up stuff, and yet it doesnt seem to be enough. Its the other people. why do i have a problem with them. why them. why am i so protective of you. since i first saw you, i've always been trying to protect you. i cant seem to get angry at you at all when you do the things that make me jealous. i always direct it at them. but i dont show it. i know how to disguise my anger. i dont if thats good or bad. i nearly blew it once though. im sorry. i always seem like the retarded crazy never say die kind of joker who will never be seen with a frown(thats the impression i get, anyway), but no, im not. believe me. do you know how it hurts me whenever they appear out of no where. it was supposed to be our thing. and yet they came out of nowhere. i didnt know what to do except say "yeah, no problem". it hurt.
i just want you to know i'll always be there, even when you dont know. and you dont. maybe one day i'll realize that part of friendship involves sacrifice and not expecting anything in return. i dont have to go out and watch movies with you, or invite you over to my house to have fun, or have recess(or dinner)with you, or laugh and joke with you. none of that. maybe one day i'll realize that. but not now. i cant. im jealous. you know, i just want you to be happy, to enjoy yourself, no matter what, and im willing to do anything for that to happen. im just freaking jealous. thats all. i'll deal with it sooner or later.
probably later than sooner though, at the rate things are going. im sorry. this is really really painful.
i feel like the person who is always the last to know that the lock on the door has changed. but too late.
woo class sleepover was fun.
posted by david at
11:29 PM
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